Dear People Who Don’t Know Anything About Detroit, Your Jokes Are Dumb.

A Detroit hipster

Hipsters. What with their mustaches, skinny jeans and bicycles, how are they not just the most adorable creatures in the world? But if there’s one thing they love even more than that navy-blue American Apparel hoodie with the white piping, it’s irony. And where do they most love casting their ironic gaze? On themselves, of course.

Which brings us to this fine piece of bloggery that’s been making the rounds. It’s written by none other than “Austin’s Blogger of the Year,” Lauren Modery.

Modery writes:

Sometimes it feels like there is no place more hipster-plentiful than Austin, Texas …But are other cities unscathed by the beast? Smaller, up-and-coming cities that are like how Austin was before ‘we’ showed up?

She then lists three cities that are not in the Midwest, and gently pokes fun at the hipsters there. I’ll be honest, I barely skimmed this part. But then, Modery gets to her final city on the brink of “hipsterfication,” Detroit:

What do young and creative urbanites love most in this world? Being on the forefront of a scene — what better place to do that than Detroit, Michigan, a city that’s slowly bootstrapping itself up from the PITS OF HADES. Within cities that have lost everything, hipsters favorite second thing in this world emerges — ruin porn. Add a frosting layer of adaptive reuse and you got yourself one sweet hipster cupcake.

First off, Ms. Modery (*in my best snob voice*), if you knew anything about Detroit hipsters, you wouldn’t use a cupcake metaphor. Our hipsters eat crepes.

And also, Detroit is nobody’s “small up-and-coming” city. People in Detroit aren’t trying to become Austin. People in Austin are trying to become Detroit.

Sure, maybe you were trying to pay a compliment in your own hipsterific way – acting like Detroit is the next cool place to be. But, hipsters of the world, know this: Detroit doesn’t need your smirky congratulations. And, if you think its comeback is a joke, it doesn’t need you either.

People who live in Detroit, they’re allowed to make fun of Detroit. People who care about the city, who live in the Midwest and know at least something about what Detroiters have been through, we’re allowed to make fun of Detroit a little bit.

If you, as a hipster, want to make fun of other hipsters, fine. That’s what hipsters do best.

But Detroit hipsters are still Detroiters.

If you live in Austin, you don’t get to make fun of Detroiters.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write an ironic blog post about the hot new up-and-coming cities where people actually make things. Austin could totes make the list!

5 Replies to “Dear People Who Don’t Know Anything About Detroit, Your Jokes Are Dumb.”

  1. He’s a Detroit hipster because he appears to embrace of number of the stereotypical hipster vices, like the American Apparel/thrift store ensemble and a low-rent bike (though, perhaps unforgivably, not fixed gear). And the photo was probably taken in Detroit. 

    The use of the term hipster here is a nice anthropological shorthand, like calling someone a bro/brah/bruh.

  2. I’m from Detroit (actually lived IN the city +1streedcred) and do a lot of hipster things, and currently live near LA. Its funny. Comedy is comedy, if you don’t understand it, don’t comment on it. You’ve seen the Shit Detroit n****s say right? Same thing. Hilarious. I was talking to a Red Wings fan just last night, and said Vancouver has the best fans, to which she QUICKLY got defensive about Detroit’s fans. 
    Look, I get it, I too have Detroit pride, but stop blindfolding yourself to the pluses and minuses of each place, and not only that, let comedy be comedy.

Leave a Reply